Hugging Statues

I would like to preface this story stating a fact about myself.  I am an old-fashioned thinker when it comes to raising children.  It’s easy to hold to that decision when your children are younger because they trust you one-hundred percent.  After middle school, that drastically changes.  One day the thought of boys (and even worse yet… kissing them) will revolt your young daughters to the point that they say “Ew!” when you mention a boy’s name.  The next day, however; you find them awestruck with some young man and attitudes change toward talking to, holding hands with, hugging, kissing, and whatever else with this new obsession.  Being old fashioned as I am, my attitude hasn’t changed, which hasn’t been popular in my household. 

At age fourteen, young people think that they are ready to take on the world.  I can appreciate that, as I was once at that glorious age myself.  When rules are set down that there will be no physical touching at all for a fourteen year-old, they are going to be challenged.  That leaves parents at a cross-road… I can choose to be the “bad guy” standing my ground to protect my beloved offspring from things they don’t come close to comprehending or I can follow the advice of work friends who think I’m being too strict.  They tell me, “Kids are going to find a way to do it anyway, so you might as well educate them so they’ll make good decisions and chill out a little.”  I chose the hard path… not to be an authoritarian or an old “stick-in-the-mud”, but because I understand the fact that adolescents are not capable, for the most part, of making a good decision on their own.  Heck, I know some people over thirty years of age that aren’t capable of making a good decision!  There are some children who are exceptions, but even if they do have a good head on their shoulders, a good parent will be watching over their shoulder to make sure.  Why do I feel that they can’t make a good decision?  Simple really… they are running on limited knowledge and experience.  I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard an adult say, “Man, I wish I knew then what I know now!”  Am I saying that you should make all of your children’s decisions for them?  Nope.  Just with anything else in life, if you want to get good at something you must practice.  Have you kids practice, with your guidance, making great, educated decisions on a daily basis.  The key word in that last sentence is “guidance”.  Just as you wouldn’t hand the car keys to your fourteen year old and say “Figure it out for yourself,” you also shouldn’t set them out into the world expecting them to “figure out” relationships and interaction with the opposite sex.  Guide them.  It’s your job.  Sometimes that guidance requires you to keep your children from an environment where temptations could encourage them to make a poor decision.  And you won’t be popular, trust me!  I’ve always told my girls that “I won’t always be your best friend, but I will ALWAYS be your Daddy!”

Okay, so to the meat of the story…

I’ve set down a series of rules with the fourteen year-old about interactions with a boy.  Sometimes I even think they’re a little stern, but I’m going to stick to them.  No physical touch of any kind.  No holding  hands, no kissing, no hugging, no nothing.  If they behave themselves and make good decisions (under my guidance of course), then when she turns fifteen, I’ll think about letting them hold hands.

So one glorious Sunday morning I’m sitting in the balcony at church behind my daughter and her boyfriend.  The pastor had just delivered a wonderful, inspiring sermon just teeming with words straight from the Holy Spirit.  I was feeling great about life, my family, my church family and my relationship with God.  All was well… at least until the invitation time at the end of service.

Now don’t get me wrong here, I love my pastor.  I think he’s a great under-shepherd and he’s leading his congregation in the right direction.  But every once in awhile, all of us mess things up and we don’t even realize it.  My pastor, in his infinite wisdom, decides to deliver an illustration of how love can spread quickly if we allow it to.  One of his strengths in delivering a message is the use of a visual aid to REALLY make a point.  He’s a master at it.  So his illustration rules went like this:

• On the count of three, everyone in the sanctuary is supposed to “freeze like a statue” except for him.  You’re not allowed to move at all.
• He’s going to choose someone in the congregation to hug and tell them that he loves them.  By the act of hugging them, the chosen statue can “un-freeze”.
• This newly thawed congregation member can then choose someone themselves to “un-freeze”.

You kind of see where this is going, don’t you?  I’m there in the balcony, frozen, waiting for a little unfreezing love to come my way.  Problem is… my eyes were not frozen.  My eyes see this wave of thawing love and hugs cascading across the balcony like a tidal wave, but it’s not reaching me quicker than it was reaching my daughter’s boyfriend.  I see it reach him, and suddenly time started to slow down.  He thaws from a hug given by his neighbor.  I think, “WHERE IS MY HUG PEOPLE!!!  SOMEONE UN-FREEZE ME QUICKLY!!!”  I see him turn to my little girl.  My eyes are bouncing back-and-forth between them and the wave of thaw coming at me.  “HURRY UP PEOPLE!!!  UNFREEZE ME!!!”  He reaches his arms around her, and she thaws there in his arms.  The lady next to me hugs me and says “I love you my brother!” 

After the invitation was over and the pastor’s point was illustrated, well I might add, I asked my daughter and her boyfriend “You know you both just blew it.  You’ve set yourselves back a year!”  They both looked at me, smiling, and said, “Why?  Brother Roger told us to hug.”  Touché children, touché.

I’m trying to figure out a way to ground my pastor.  Any suggestions?